How to be More Confident in 3 Powerful Steps
This is how you can become more confident in 3 powerful steps!
Written By: Fuegio Barrios
An anime-lover and a Mental Health Advocate.
Published: December 28, 2024
Last Updated: December 28, 2024
Introduction
In your life, who do you look up to the most?
Keep this image of the person, or favorite anime character, in your mind for a while. Now, ask yourself, “Does this person, or creature, exhibit a form of confidence?”
If the answer is “yes”, let’s dig deeper into that “yes.”
This confidence of theirs, you might notice that this form resonates with how you want your confidence to be seen. Deep down you might have thoughts like, “How can I have their confidence?” or “How can I show a similar form of confidence that they have?”
Would you like to know where their confidence stems from? How did the person you look up to develop this aura of confidence?
In this article, we will try to understand where real confidence stems from and how you can become more confident in 3 powerful steps!
Note:
Before we start, I want to give you a heads-up. This article will mix elements, stories, and examples from anime.
There will be many references from the anime Wind Breaker. If you haven’t watched the anime yet, you can head over to: WIND BREAKER E1 - Sakura Joins Furin - BiliBili to start watching it. (This post is not sponsored by Bilibili)
Anyway, let’s get into it!
Step 1: Think of Whom you are Building Confidence For
Without the journey, the goal is not worth it. But without the first step, there is no journey.
Why did you click on this article? Why do you want to build more confidence?
Is it to impress others? Impress yourself? Or Impress the person you look up to (if they are real and not animated.)
Your answer should be none of the above. Building confidence to impress will just make a mess. You’d be lying to others, and you’d be lying to yourself.
Remember, building confidence is more than “looking confident.” It’s about understanding, learning, and growing. It’s all about looking for your true self.
Step 1 is as simple as that! Now, onto our next step:
Step 2: Know Your Core Self
The very next step in being more confident is knowing your Core Self.
Explaining what the “Core Self” is a little tricky. I had difficulty understanding it the first time the concept was introduced to me.
But I will do my best to explain it to you.
Quick Disclaimer
Before explaining it, I want to say that this “idea” or “concept” of the Core Self is purely based on my overall experience and knowledge. I haven’t encountered a definite term for this “concept” in Psychology. So I lack some research on it.
If you have encountered a term similar to this concept that I will be explaining, I highly encourage you to post a comment below about it.
The Onion Analogy: A Comparison to the Core Self
Knowing your core self isn’t that simple. For example, you must have developed a form of self-awareness, critical thinking, and open-mindedness to be able to know and understand your core self. Developing these three traits is merely a part of the whole journey of learning more about your core self.
I like to think of the “core self” as an onion:
When we chop an onion, we first remove the outermost skin I don’t know about you but after the skin, I remove the next layer, and THAT’S when I mince or dice the onion.
This onion has many layers. Starting from the outermost skin, until the core.
This onion is you.
Not that you’d be minced or diced! But you’d be removing layer after layer until you find your core self.
However, in another scenario of the onion analogy, there will be some layers that you will keep and there will be layers you will want to remove, and the remaining parts are your “core self”.
What is the Core Self Made Of?
Before trying to define the Core Self, we figure out what it’s made of.
The Core Self is made of many things such as:
- Core Values
- Core Principles
- Core Beliefs
- Core Ideals
I tend to use “Core Foundations” as the main term to sum up all of the above, or even identify as the individually stated cores above.
Core Foundations are the basis of your decisions or actions. When a challenging scenario happens, and you have to make a quick decision, if you don’t think twice or too long about how you respond to the scenario, your decision or action is based on a Core Foundation.
Core Foundations are those that you strongly hold on to. When someone asks a challenging question, no matter the question, you have an answer to it. That answer is based on your core foundations and can also be the core foundation itself.
Sakura Haruka’s Core Foundation in FIghting
An example of a Core Foundation can be seen in the Wind Breaker anime in the character of Sakura Haruka (voiced by Yuma Uchida in the Japanese dub, and Austin Tindle, in the English dub), and I quote:
“Stop believing you’re strong when you’re weak.”
This quote from Sakura Haruka is a core principle. When he fights people and chooses whom he fights, this core principle is in action.
Based on the anime, when Sakura fights another person, this person tends to be someone filled with ego and pride. They believe they’re “all that” and powerful, but they use their power to abuse or hurt others. Which, for Sakura, makes them weak.
I want you to note though, that in the anime series, Sakura seems to be prideful himself on the outside. But if we do delve deeper into his words and actions, we can see a person who has a Core Self filled with love. However, he is currently developing himself, growing, and learning new things, so this “Core Self” that you and I saw isn’t that visible to him yet.
One of My Core Foundations in Living
I would like to share a personal core foundation with you. I always felt like this core foundation has been with me all my life, but it was only recently that I have been able to verbalize it, sense it, and feel it. Here it is:
“I am a boy!”
The phrase above might not make any sense to you. But for me, it feels euphoric when I express and verbalize it. Why? Because I am a transgender man, assigned female at birth.
I had ups and downs with my self-expression and gender identity because of the religious beliefs that were instilled in me when I was a child.
I was made to believe that I was not allowed to "be a boy". In addition to that, since I am assigned female-at-birth, I was told to only have romantic feelings towards boys. Sinning should not be done, and you must always remain a "perfect holy person" always chasing righteousness.
You can call the past me a traditional Christian.
Now, you may think that those religious beliefs are my core beliefs, but slowly, I learned that these beliefs were dangerous and harmful not only to me but to how I treated others as well. I judged others because of their wrongdoings (or their sin).
Furthermore, I judged myself for feeling what I was feeling.
But for the past years (around 2017 to 2022), I challenged those religious beliefs of mine because they felt wrong.
I knew that I was hurting others and hurting myself. I asked, “How can something so painful be correct? It can’t.”
When I came to terms with who I was deep down, that I am a boy and it feels right, I became more loving and empathic towards myself. I broke down the walls of past beliefs and I started to understand and love other people as well.
However, I still believe that my being trans is still a sin in God's eyes. Nonetheless, it feels right within me though wrong in God's.
These examples show that Core Foundations are “built-in” and embedded in a person. In some cases, Core Foundations are only seen when “layered foundations” are broken down.
So What is the Core Self?
I still can’t define the Core Self in simple and basic terms without all the examples I gave. But by now you might have a feeling of what the Core Self is. The best I could say is:
The Core Self is more than “likes” or “dislikes”
The Core Self is genuine.
The Core Self is everything that matters to you as a person.
The Core Self feels right.
The Core Self and Confidence
So what does the Core Self have to do with building more confidence?
Once you know your Core Self more, you’ll be able to hold onto Core Foundations. In challenging situations, the answers you give and the responses you make will naturally be based on the confidence in your core self, and in just normal daily life, if you are in harmony with your core self, that “inner confidence” will express itself outwardly.
However, your journey to building more confidence doesn’t end there.
There’s one more step that needs to be emphasized by me and understood by you. Otherwise, if not understood or emphasized, all of these might just lead you to create a “fake” outward confidence.
Step 3: Loving Your True Self
Last but not least, Step 3 to building more genuine confidence is loving your true self.
This sounds cliche most probably because you’ve been hearing this step a lot. But it has merit to it. There’s a strong reason and correlation between loving your true self and radiating genuine confidence.
Being Open-Minded to Learn and Grow
It is important to remember that “loving your true self” doesn’t mean you justify all your wrongdoings and mistakes. Loving your true self isn’t accepting all your “onion layers,” it’s about breaking those onion layers that feel wrong. It’s all about learning and growing.
Let’s take Nirei Akihiko from Wind Breaker as an example.
Nirei Akihiko Shows the Process of Loving Himself More
Hating Ourselves and Fake Outward Confidence
If you’ve watched the whole season 1 of the anime Wind Breaker, then you must be aware of the strong character development of Nirei Akihiko (voiced by Shoya Chiba in Japanese, and Bryson Baugus in the English dub.)
Outwardly, you may see Nirei as someone weak. He may be a physically weak fighter, but in my opinion, he is mentally and emotionally strong. He has a strong core self.
At the start, Nirei showed how much he looked down on himself. He called himself “lame”. You can consider this as hating himself. Because when we hate ourselves, we tend to look down on ourselves a lot.
I would also like to mention that trauma may lead to hating ourselves as well. Nirei mentioned that he was bullied during his earlier years, even if he was saved by someone from Bofurin–whom he looked up to and wanted to be like–he developed a “fake outward” confidence (which was shown during his first appearance).
The reason why I consider that as a “fake outward confidence” is because Nirei was trying too hard to be someone else. However, the fact remains that wanting to protect others is still a part of his core self.
How do we go from Hating Ourselves to Loving Ourselves?
Here’s the thing: we need to find a way to love ourselves despite the trauma. We don't “REMOVE” the trauma. The trauma may remain in you but you can still love yourself. But how?
1. Becoming More Self-Aware
As time passed by, Nirei developed a form of self-awareness after the fight where he was saved by Sakura. This is the same fight where Nirei called himself lame.
But after meeting Sakura, Nirei realized how much growing he wanted to do.
2. Growth and Character Development help you to learn how to love yourself.
A little later in the series, Nirei wanted to join the battle between Lion’s Head and Bofurin not as a fighter, but as a spectator. He wanted to learn. He may not have fought physically but he wanted to continue growing especially in the aspect of supporting his friends, despite the possible trauma he had.
Though not explicitly said, Nirei’s “wanting to learn and grow” is a part of his journey of loving himself more. He became more “real” towards himself and he broke down the layers that weren’t “him”. You can already see an aura of genuine confidence around him in the later episodes of Season 1 of Wind Breaker.
The Definition of True Love for Your True Self
The definition of true love for yourself is not having a prideful take on things. It’s not the band-aid fixes of positive affirmation either (though positive affirmations when done right work).
Furthermore, the core of true love is more than being “real” with yourself. It’s all about kindness, empathy, forgiveness, patience, respect, and understanding towards yourself.
Loving Yourself Will Make You Love Others
Once you start loving yourself, you will tend to love others as well. Once you start loving both yourself and others, you will develop inward and outward confidence.
For example, being kind and generous to others may show a form of confidence, but setting boundaries with others is a form of respecting yourself which also shows confidence. Doing both at the same time radiates a strong and genuine confidence.
Conclusion
I understand if it’s hard to develop the traits and do the processes I mentioned above, but, if you follow the details in these 3 powerful steps, you will find yourself starting the journey to knowing your core self and loving yourself more, thus, radiating a genuine confidence.
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Fuegio Barrios
